Maybe your travel agent loaded you up with lots of flashy brochures and promotional DVDs. You came to Paraguay expecting to see and do it all. Perhaps you already did it all. Perhaps you got no further than the Pink Palace when your bus broke down. Either way, you're bored. Let's face it: sometimes our brains just get tired of being stuck inside our heads all day. Like you, your mind needs a diversion every once in a while, but you're on a budget. As a seasoned Paraguayan traveler I feel duty-bound to impart some wisdom that will keep your mind, and your wallet, happy.
Conversion:
Some people whine about being the only country that hasn't switched to the metric system. I prefer to embrace the challenge of being stuck between two measuring systems. Think of it as being bilingual...in units of measurement. Once you've got your brain hooked on conversions, it'll be occupied for hours. Try these for starters.
Currency: The first challenge. Paraguay has a simple 5000gs:$1 ratio. Just pretend like you're 5000 times as rich as you are and you'll know exactly what you can afford.
Time: Even metric countries are beholden to the mighty twelve hour clock face, but sometimes out of spite they'll refer to things in 24 hour time. Resist the temptation to simply subtract 12 hours. Remember, you're on Latin American time. If the concert is supposed to start at 20:00 they really mean 9:15 pm.
Distance: There are two reasons people want to convert kilometers to miles. Their first question is, “how far is it?” but what they're really asking is, “how long will it take to get there?” and distance really has nothing to do with it. Instead you should be asking whether the potholes are 9cm or 40cm, whether there's a broken down bus blocking traffic, and how mentally sound your driver is. (sane = slow, suicidal = anywhere in 10 minutes). The second question people have is “how fast are we going?” The answer is, given the road conditions, the number of crazy drivers, and the number of kids wandering the median, you don't want to be asking that question.
Temperature: the morphine of conversions. Once you start there's no turning back. Asuncion is pocked with temperature marquees. At practically every stoplight you'll have a chance to try out this formula. After all, when you write home it sounds a lot more impressive to say it was 104º (it was for about a week – this is wintertime, remember) than 40º. Ready for it? Degrees F = 9/5 (Degrees C) + 32
Religious Tracts:
Speaking of conversion, these are some nifty little boredom-killers. Granted, unless you're a Young-earth, Pre-millennial, Evangelical Protestant, (and maybe even if you are) you'll doubtless find something offensive in them, but regardless of your theological persuasion these tracts are your one-stop travel entertainment shop.
Sure, everybody knows you can always find a great moralled story between the covers, but that's only the beginning. Did you know these little guys are also terrific phrase books? You won't find gems like “Juan, you're damned to hell” or “Jesus will be your worst nightmare” anywhere else*. Hang onto these guys. (*I wish I'd made those up)
Itching to pick that hermeneutic fight? Did you know some people write their doctoral theses over these tracts? As long as you're stuck on the bus, why not start yours?
Traveling with a child? Even if you aren't, these tracts represent the world's smallest mass-produced coloring books. Bring to life the artist's renderings of the apocalyptic horsemen or Elijah's chariot. Maybe you're lacking for colors. Look no further than the stains on your clothing for ideas. There's that persistent red dust that never quite washes out, or the bright yellow from the mango you had for breakfast, or even the tea-green splotch from the mate that spilled when your car hit a pot-hole. Use your imagination!
Head games:
Sometimes traveling can be a pain in the neck...literally. Bad roads abound, even in the heart of the city, and few vehicles have functioning seat belts. Unless your driver is uncommonly talented, or drives annoyingly slowly, you're bound to hit your head on the ceiling at some point. Some people can't tolerate these roads, but the enterprising traveler isn't so easily thwarted. Here are some suggestions. Option 1: Head Darts. Mark out a large dart board on the ceiling of the vehicle. When the car hits a bump, each person records where their head hits the ceiling. First to 100 wins. Option 2: Headdle Ball. It's like paddle ball. With your head. Hang a small ball (golf balls not recommended) from the ceiling. With each bump in the road, head the ball to another passenger. Mouthpiece and helmet are encouraged for children under the age of ten.
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